I was chatting with my dear poker buddy Nighty (Atrocious Nightmare to you!) earlier telling him about my first ever experience of live tournament play during the recent EPT London. And how utterly bewildering, exhilarating and at times terrifying it was for a recreational online player like me.
So to say welcome to this blog and thank you to Nighty for already enhancing it with his insightful and intelligent presence, I dedicate this little piece of whimsy to him and indeed to all online poker players who feel fear and trepidation at the thought of sitting down at a real live table with real live breathing human beings without a screen or a mouse for protection. Not to mention the fact that you can’t play in your underpants…well, not in most casinos 😉
This is my summary of how the evening went with a suitably chaotic stream of consciousness that perhaps sums up well how I felt….
Ok, deep breath. Look confident Charlie. Walk into the room as if you own it…
Um, lots of people. Lots of tables. Lots of very confident looking people. And me! What could go wrong?! It can’t be that different to online. Can it?! Right, they’re saying we need to find our seats. Take a card. Any card. Seat 7? Hmmm where’s that again? Oh sorry, I’m in the wrong seat. Ok this…oh sorry, how embarrassing, I’m in the wrong seat again! Ha! Ah yes, thank you. Oh, stranger to my right talking to me…hello, my name’s char….What? These are my chips? Thank you. Read the values on them. Get used to the different colours. Ok, stack them right…oh, here’s my cards? Look at them…still need to stack chips! Oh, what’s my hand again? Was it hearts or diamonds? How many chips have I got? Damn, I’ve forgotten what my cards are again…
What? Two people have already bet?! I was still stacking!! Er, what’s my cards again?! Oh, you’re waiting for me…two people bet, was that a raise or a call? How much is in the pot? Everyone’s looking at me. Waiting. Watching. Am I giving away too many tells? Dammit, I’ve got enough tells to keep Mike Caro in business. Stay cool. Poker face Charlie! Er, what’s my cards?! Ok fold…
Yes, as I was saying my name is Char…what do you mean it’s me again? I’ve not looked yet. How many chips to call? Um, fold! Damn, I still haven’t stacked right. Yes, as I was saying…what?! Oh er, a beer please…how much was that bet did you say? Yes I bet! What, it’s already been raised?! I fold. Don’t look at me like that, I’m getting there, I’m getting there!
Oh damn, what’s the pot…what are my cards?! Ha! Yes, I’m laughing because I think that man over there just said a joke and I have no idea what it was as I wasn’t concentrating and am now laughing to be polite but I. Just. Want. To. Know. The. Pot!!!!
So yes, what were we saying? Oh how did you guess that it’s my first time. Well yes, as it happens it is. But…what?!!! My turn again! Fold!! Ah yes, I’m Big Blind…what? The level went up? Which chip is that again? How much has he got?! Damn, how did they all manage to get so many and um, I have so little? Talking of which, how much do I have again?!
People getting up. Sitting down. Getting up. Chip racks. I’m being moved. New dealer. Sit down. Antes!! New person next to me. What? My turn again. My name? What’s the pot?! My name? What’s my name?!?! Who am I?!!? Where am I?!??!
AAAAAARGH! I want my mouse!!!!
Oh, look Queens! Yay! I know what to do. All in! Oh….busted….
And so the maelstrom ends.
Thank God it’s all over. Utterly terrifying and confusing…
When can I do it again? 🙂